Finding the gray area of love

My child is in a growth spurt. At dinner, he can single-handedly take down three large pieces of pizza, an applesauce packet, 1/4 watermelon, and then ask for cheese crackers at bedtime. Last night, after eating everything in sight for dinner and all the cheese crackers in a five-block radius, he asked for a sandwich. He is four. I gave him some water before bed, because come on. You can't eat cheese crackers with NOTHING to wash them down. He seems legitimately hungry.

So, at three a.m. when the little voice comes in and says, "Mama, I'm really THIRSTY," it's just not the time to go into a tirade about "eating six pounds of cheese crackers before bed will do that." For the love. Get the drink. Get the pillow. Cuddle up, and get some rest.

And when I got to crawl out of my bed at 5:30 am, scant hours after this interruption, the Lord was nudging me. "Really, God? I haven't even been fully caffeinated."

What if this is how we love?

We meet needs at the inconvenient hour without a lecture. We allow a person space to need and meet the need without judgment. Without all the words. Without fixing. Give space for rest. And wait for the Lord to open the door for any words of wisdom HE would have you share in the right hour, when their hearts are ready and their ears are open.

This is gray area of love. In my black-and-white-checkerboard world, I wrestle with this. I am a fixer. I want you to see the error of your ways, and shape up. And I think the Church uses this faulty approach far too often. We've lived through what this approach can do (and some of us have survived to tell about it). Especially in teenagers, it creates a sense of shame and hiding when they realize that they aren't living up to some holy standard. We haven't created a healthy space for questions in the one arena it should be safe to ask questions. And they are dealing with the questions. Admittedly, I got out of full time youth ministry right before social media exploded. I'm sure it's an entirely different beast than it was 10 years ago. But kids haven't changed, y'all. Their little minds are trying to make sense of injustice, hypocrisy, faith, love, pressure, and on and on. That's what makes them fascinating. But we need to love them well.

What if we just learn to love them exactly as they are? With their messy questions? What if we could listen? What if we were guided by the Holy Spirit to answer and ask questions of those in our lives that would draw them to the Comforter who can give peace? What if we tell those we meet and love that it's ok NOT to have all the answers?

Instead we helicopter. We protect. We give special treatment. We make sure they will never break a leg by carrying them everywhere. We don't allow them to build up their muscles by walking, and sometimes tripping.

As I parent, and learn to love (my neighbors) as Jesus loves, I am daily realizing this scripture in new ways: "'Not by might, nor power, but BY MY SPIRIT,' says the Lord." Zech. 4:6

And Jesus' parable about the vine and the branches in John 15: ""I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

Love is supernatural. Let's let it do its thing.