On improv and love

My sweet bundle of boy came crawling into the big bed around 5 am. A solid hour before I needed to meet the world. "Sigh. Really? I just want more zzzz's." I am a champion, grade-A sleeper. But every now and again, when I am awoken this close to dawn, I find it hard to get back to Sleepyville. And then, as God is wont to do, He started whispering.

"Don't block offers, Shelley. Remember your rules of improv."

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I have been struggling lately in my relationship with my child. We can go for a few days without drama, and inevitably some random something will set him off and he screams and melts and tells me he wants to go live in another house with new parents. I am fairly able not to take this personally. He is all emotion at this age. But it makes it difficult sometimes, when you'd just like to have an easy evening and all your interactions feel like an uphill battle. With "battle" being the key word. I am really trying to keep myself even and quiet in my responses. And sometimes I end up taking a mommy time-out to regather my senses.

Recently, I was sharing my struggles of relating to my son with a friend. She had a vision of the two of us on a checkerboard floor, dressed to the nines in tux and a red gown, dancing with one another. Improv-ing, if you will, as neither of us has been to foxtrot class lately. It was a beautiful picture for me. Enjoying each other, dancing, wearing an awesome red ballgown...such promise and hope. In real life, though, I'm having a bit more trouble connecting what I know is God's vision for us and our day-to-day reality.

Like this. Only with a short preschooler. And no servants...

So, God whispers to me in the wee hours. "Don't block offers, Shelley. Remember your rules of improv."

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I used to work with drama and mime and teenagers. Teenagers + drama. Silent teenagers? All the cliches and ironies in the world wrapped up into our few hours a week together.
One of my favorite things was doing improv games and exercises with them. We spent a lot of time on warm ups and prep work, as it really served as much purpose for our time together as the actual preparing of ministry skits and pieces. It loosened us up and shook off our egos a bit. It allowed us to laugh together. I also submit that a lot of what good improv does is teach you how to LOVE each other well. You might have seen improv skits on a show called "Whose Line is it Anyway?" A simplified explanation might be: you set up a few actors with a situation, such as "You're at a party." And give each person a character, maybe a cowboy with narcolepsy, a politician, and a mute circus clown...then let the scene unfold as the characters take it on.

One of the first rules of improv (yes, it has rules!) is "Do not block offers." When another actor or character makes a suggestion or introduction to the story, you run with it. You don't say "No," or proceed with a separate storyline. So, if you're in the middle of a skit and your partner offers you a sombrero to wear, you find a way to wear it. That's where your creativity comes in. You say "Gracias, amigo. My missing sombrero!" Blocking an offer, no matter how silly, can be tantamount to ending the skit or "play."

Another major rule of improv is to make your partners shine. Your job is to make them look good, sound good and succeed. This rule sounds an awful lot like Philippians 2:2-4:

then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

In short, this one is really about abandoning your own agenda for how a scene is going to go. You let it go according to what you make happen TOGETHER. It's not about YOU.

Here are some other rules of improv. If these aren't all good parenting tips, I don't know where else to turn!

• Avoid asking questions- unless you’re also adding information.
• Play in the present and use the moment.
• Change, Change, Change!
• For serious and emotional scenes, focus on characters and relationships.
• For humorous scenes, take choices to the nth degree or focus on actions/objects. 

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me. When he offers, I accept. It's my job to cheer him on through my actions--to build him up--to make him (and YOU) shine. I will play with him and stay in the moment. I will focus on our relationship, which is far more important than momentary behaviors. I am blessed with a funny bone...please help me use it!




Improv games are some of the best therapy for anyone who struggles with control issues. It's a trust game, a free fall into the unknown...so I'm going to dance with my boy with all my heart.